I don’t understand what it is but I hate how much I want to excel but can’t seem to get it right. I have been doing my due diligence in investigating and researching different career choices and yet I can’t seem to settle on one. I just don’t know how it is that those around me seem to know exactly what they want out of life! I have gone down the long list of ideas and I still can’t seem to find the secret.
What I DO know is what I would like my life to be. I want to travel and see the world, to go on the lake and kayak, to hike trails and just experience nature. I would love to be able to just workout and inspire others. It’s quite simple in my mind how I see myself in 1 year and even 10. I just can’t seem to make my current life catch up to where my brain is. I am working hard to figure it out and give myself more credit for all the positive things. Although it gets pretty hard.
I have had family and friends compare my life to others. I have been told time and again that I am not reliable. That I give up everything I start and will not accomplish anything. I have used other people’s ideas of WHO I am to define MYSELF. I have let their opinions on my life color the way I view myself. Until one day I had to realize they don’t have the right to judge me and my journey. What exactly makes them the expert on what my life has to look like. I have come to terms that my path is a lot more colorful than those of others! I have come to realize that I am not like them! I used to let their words bring me down and in turn I would bash myself. See myself as less than, all because I did not fit their mold.
Now I am free of these notions. I only compete with myself day in and day out. I just want to improve myself and be better than who I was yesterday. At times I slip up and I catch that negativity creeping into my new found self love. I can recognize those moments that I need to fight harder for myself. At those moments is when I realize how much I have used and abused my own person. Self abuse is a thing! It is very real! But in those moments we need to look beyond the world’s deflection and choose ourselves every time. We can not keep letting ourselves down. We need to realize that the world’s opinion of us is a deflection of other’s shortcomings. We need to sit and ask ourselves ‘Is this my opinion of me? Or am I letting someone else’s views interfere with my own?’
The road to self love is full of hardships and struggles. It is not simple but if we can set boundaries and limitations with others, we can do it with our selves! The only way to overcome is working through, your self love is worth every struggle!! This has also helped me realize that a career path for me might never be that same path for those around me!